Book Bloopers

I’ve been saving up the mistakes that I’ve found when editing some of my books; at least the ones that made me smile. After all, if we can’t laugh at our mistakes, how boring would we be? I sometimes think the twinkle behind the eyes of those wonderful, cheerful people that make you smile just to see them (you’ve met one or two, I’m sure) comes from always being amused at their own mistakes. Anyway, here are some bloopers gathered from editing. Enjoy.

“The nose of the immense doors crashing into the wall reverberated around…” (Either that’s missing an ‘i’ or those doors have a pretty awesome doorknocker.)

“…covering the shot cropped grass in front of them…” (Better watch out running over that grass barefoot!)

“Nehemiah idly wondered what he was excited about as he offed a hand to assist Anna’s alight from the wagon.” (…So now he’s one handed for the rest of the book?)

“The old woman dropped another curtsy and moved back threw a swinging door…” (That’s some old lady, throwing doors around.)

“The noice began to fade into a different song.” (Noice? I thinke I wast reading too muche Spencer.)

“The ballad reached its pinochle when…” (I always play pinochle when approaching a ballad’s pinnacle, obviously.)

“Charlie’s hand ran over it and walked to a box of the same badly hewn wooden planks.” (Hm, I wonder how a hand walks to a box?)

“I do hope you enjoy pursuing this work.” (Puff puff, catch the book!)

“Several heads working in the fields rose and watched us coming.” (Wow, that’s a gruesome field, filled with severed heads.)

“I hardly realized when I said yes to thine father that I would be at the mercy of every whim of the Dreaded Ding!” (…yeah…I don’t think this one needs a comment.)

“…wondering what I mind find in this new secret passageway.” (I mind wondering what I might find too, Corinth Meagan.)

“…where that symbol shone in plain side through the uplifted flap.” (So is it a sight of his side, or a side of his sight…)

“They settled comfortably in the cushions and looked at each other.” (Anyone else ever want to dig a hole in a pillow and slip in?)

“‘The same day as the hair die.’ Vincent mumbled through cake.” (Die hair, die!)

“‘Happy bilrthday,'” he said. (…the day bilr did something great?…)

“…a contended hum sliding from him as he moved.” (Hm, a fighting song perhaps?)

“…giving his companion a plausible excuse to use as a salve to his conscious.” (Because no ones sub-conscious needs a salve.)

“‘For I have come not to serve but to be served,’ the scriptures recorded our Lord as saying. And this from the King who creates and rules all kings!” (Yeah…I really did say the exact opposite of what I meant…and didn’t notice for months.)

“I forgot what an idiotic think I was doing…” (I think it’s an idiotic thing to think of things too.)

“Simeon tossed him a machine gun, and Peter noticed it was loaded with amour piercing rounds as he dropped the RPG to catch the new weapon.” (I just loooove those bullets!)

And then there are some things that seem fine when you write them, and even when you read them over again a time or two, and then someone else kindly reads it for you and points out the all-too-obvious mistake:
“…why should we go back with only a location and a handful of spotted terrorists?” (LEOPARD TERRORISTS! HAHAHA!)

“Peter lifted his glass of milk in a solute…” (Dissolving milk glass?!)

“Breezes stirred a branch till it began to creek.” (those are some impressive breezes, to turn a solid branch into a watery creek…)

“‘Do you know, she might be right?’ said one in a voice, quivering with age. (You know, when people talk, it’s usually in a voice…comma placement can be important, folks.)

“The night sun was peeking through the windows again as they began to break up.” (CRASH! Whoops, so much for those windows: note to self, specify which “they” you mean.)

“He slid his feet out of his seeping bag and into his shoes.” (Some questions should not be asked; like what was his sleeping bag seeping with?)

“Now a pal of black smoke lay about the place.” (Oh boy, what a great pal that pall of smoke is to me!)

“A small game foul, served stuffed with joart and potatoes…” (Foul! Foul! That fowl is foul!)